Thursday, April 3, 2008


I'm not quite sure if any guys are reading this, but girls, feel free to examine this for authencity and accuracy and leave feedback! :P

Ever had moments where you have no idea how to deal with an upset girl? I'm sure some, if not all guys have experienced that at least once. Where everything you say or do seems to hit all the wrong buttons and make her even more sad/upset/mad.

So! Here's a few tips on how to calm an angry/sad/upset female. This is assuming that you're in a relationship with the girl (for guys), but some aspects of it can apply to female friends as well, if she's close enough to you to actually consider telling you her problems, but it doesn't apply to all - some people feel more comfortable telling their problems to strangers, because strangers don't know them well enough to judge them. But anyway!

#1: If she's ranting, never change the subject until she does. :P This is to let her rant all she wants, get it out of her system, and when she changes the subject or appears to subside, then you know it's safe. :P

#2: When she's ranting, feel free to offer consoling words or gestures and also offer advice or comments. It is fine to be objective, but things like 'Well, it -was- your fault' is likely to upset the girl further, even if she admits that it was her fault. (That's just a ploy for attention, she wants you to say 'Nah, things will work out, I'm sure' / 'No, it wasn't completely your fault')

#3: During the rant, silence is -not- golden. The more she rants without any reply from you, the more likely she's going to think that you're not listening (even if you are!) and that will just upset her even more. Talk to her, console her, offer advice (pretty much do #2).

#4: If she's quiet and doesn't talk much, it usually means she's sad about something. But if you ask her "What's wrong", and she says "Nothing, I'm fine" - never take her at her word. "I'm fine" in girl-speak is "I'm upset about something but I want to see how much you really care before I'm going to tell you." Don't push her to tell you, but let her know that if she does want to talk, you would really like to listen, and that you'd like to share the burden with her. Eventually she'll feel guilty enough that she'll tell you, with certain exceptions. (e.g. If she's cheating on you, if a friend told her you're cheating on her, stuff like that.)

#5: Give her lots and lots of attention and affection. Some girls are high-maintenance, some are slightly less, but the truth is all girls want attention and affection. Don't overdo it, or you're going to seem clingy: No need to ask her "What are you doing? Where are you?" every 10 minutes. The best relationship is one where the two parties can talk like normal friends, but insert a nuzzle/hug/kiss every couple of minutes/hours just as a reminder that "I love you."

True? Untrue? Think you know of better ways? Tell me. *grin*

See you in English!