Monday, August 11, 2008


It's 11.41 pm now, I'm fishing on Achaea (well, not getting very much nibbles, so I'm bored) thinking about going to college tomorrow, and feeling bored..(even though I get to see all of you, hehe :P) Lately all I ever do nowadays is feel bored. Even if the research proposal thing is due next week. I kind of have a sense of impending workload avalanche, but ah well. "Worry about the world tomorrow", eh?

I think too much about some things, and think too little about other things..I'm kind of unbalanced in that respect. Then again..I've always been unbalanced. I may know how to study but I can't do soft skills, don't know how to deal with people, not sure about common etiquette, stuff like that. I may know how to use HTML and code to a certain extent, but I can't cook, wash, clean, mend, stuff like that which, in the end, is inherently more important.

Yeah..I kind of need to get my priorities straight, don't I?

On an unrelated topic..the word 'promise' shouldn't be used unless you're 100% sure you can do it, and 100% sure that it will happen. No more, and no less. You know why? Because each time you say, "I promise," the person whom you're making the promise to believes you 100%. And if, for some reason, you let that person down on that promise, no matter accidental or not, that person feels hurt. Even if it was the tiniest promise..the fact that you made a -promise- is often more important than the promise itself.

People take words too lightly, but to me, words are my life. You say 'No music no life,' but without words, there would be no music. Or there would be music, but without lyrics, so it'd be meaningless. If you say something to me, make sure you mean it because I will remember it and I will take things to heart. I don't brush off stuff easily. I analyze everything down to the very last detail, looking at it from as many angles as possible, and often this makes me unhappy because I'm imagining the worst possible scenario. Yes..often I get upset about nothing, but sometimes I feel it's warranted - how do you prepare for things, especially scenarios involving feelings, if you don't know how it feels in advance? Or at least -try- to know? You can't make an effective plan without first knowing -how- to plan for the event.

Let's say I'm imagining a break-up, just in case one day (touch wood) it really does happen. It'll most likely be angry and sad, as a big majority of breakups are, and both parties would be hurt and ignore each other for the rest of their lives. For me, I'd erase all trace of his involvement in my life - MSN contact gone, Friendster gone, gifts gone, messages gone, -everything-. I'd plan out what I'd say if we were breaking up, even, how to break up, try to put myself through the pain of breaking up so that I can brace myself for it. This may sound a bit crazy, but the reason I do all this is so I can be -prepared-. Just in case. You know when I first broke up with my first boyfriend, I put the knife to my wrist? I mean, I wouldn't really have dared cut it (too scared of pain..haha lousy, I know) but I don't ever want to be in that situation again. The reason I did that was because I was unprepared for how much it would hurt when he broke up with me that I became totally irrational. This is why I always try to have a backup plan for everything..if Plan A doesn't work, switch to Plan B, and if Plan B doesn't work..panic.

Which is why Plan A must work.

In a totally unrelated post, thank you to all who came for my birthday party. (Yes, I know, belated thanks to someone who went to SINGAPORE). To those who attended my party, I hope it was fun. My ex high school friends will know that it was nearly an exact replica of my 2007 party, but hey, different company now, and besides the objective is simply to have fun - if it works, why fix it, eh? We played Pictionary, a bit of charades, Mafia (hope you guys know what it is, if not it's too long to explain) ate spaghetti, salad, corn, pizza, barbecued marshmallows, sausages and chicken wings, and drank punch. The only thing was you people don't want to take picture with me. =.= WHY LA. See la you people's fault there's no pictures to post on my blog. Hmph! Kononnya like to camwhore..but when it's the occasion to camwhore then don't want! But personally I think people camwhore when they're bored..so no camwhoring means it was interesting? Right? :P I should bring Pictionary to college one day. We probably wouldn't have time to finish it, but it would be fun.

Kind of worrying about the research topic stuff, since this is an ongoing thing (a -really- ongoing thing) and not something you can just complete overnight, which means there's no shortcut. Most of my assignments and studying (yes, even the Media History videos and yes, even finals) were done almost overnight, just one or two days beforehand..the difference is I concentrated hard when I was doing them as opposed to dragging it out over 1 week or something and coming up with a hodgepodge essay, or something. Even though I acknowledge my videos weren't all that great. Oh well - at least we're all in the same boat, eh?

Speaking of same boats - my parents want me to go overseas as soon as possible, it looks like..rather different from the rest of you who seem to be delaying going overseas as long as possible. I agree with mom's argument that one year is not enough - one year is barely enough to get used to the environment, and before you know it you've graduated. There's even talk of doing my Masters, which I'm not entirely sure I need to do, but that's still a way off yet, so we'll see - even if leaving possibilities open scares me. Then again I guess I'm not one to really adhere to the schedule - after all, it's the reason I'm here instead of slogging away in A-levels. Yes, I'm an impulsive person. I usually don't regret it though - so far.

I've been thinking about the three degrees - Communication and Media Management, Digital Broadcasting (or something like that?) and Journalism. Originally I wanted to take the first one because I believed that it was the most well-rounded of the three, and in media, versatility is a great asset. However, after that little introductory thing with Mr. Winston, in which he said the first one focused more on PR - well. I think I need to reconsider my options, because PR is not an area I'm interested in (me?? PR?? Hahahaha..no. Even if I am a Leo.) Tentatively, for now, -most likely- I will be taking Journalism, if CMM really is focused on PR.

With this new factor in mind to consider, the people whom I interact with at degree level most likely won't be the same gang (or at least, not most of it) that I've come to know and love this year, which I find sad because we've just started to be quite close to one another, and now the year is drawing to a close and we probably won't see each other THAT often. (Not to say we won't see each other period, but still.) On the other hand, this opens doors to more possibilities, and if I can find someone to go down to Australia with me in the second year, I'd go down there without a second thought. (If my parents have their way, I'll most likely be going down anyway, but ah well. We'll see.) It really isn't that I don't want to go down..or that I'm scared and stuff..(well, maybe a bit) I'm just scared I won't be able to cope, and that it'll affect my studies. It's not just a whole new college, with the usual stress of new teachers, new place, new classmates..it's a whole new -country-. There's a big difference, you know? But when I tell my parents that they go, "Cheh, you also have to go one la..nothing one la, your cousin also what!" Well, I'm not my cousin (who is also a guy), so..whatever. We'll see, I guess.

"Follow your heart, but let logic guide you".

It'll turn out okay in the end though. I hope. Let Fate decide.