Sunday, April 26, 2009


I am rather sad.

Nobody wants to go to Melbourne in the second year with me :(

Everyone either doesn't want to go, or is planning on taking the exchange program in their last year, which would financially be the more logical choice (except if I do exchange, I'd be going to Gippsland anyway, which is 160km away from Melbourne and really gives me NO CHOICE but to do a transfer)

By all accounts I SHOULD go next year. I should, I really should. I should go for the exposure and whatnot and everything I've been dreaming about since I was stuck in the hot, dreary classes of high school ignoring the teacher scribbling on the chalkboard. But now that I actually have a chance to do it...

I'm scared. :(

I'm not like other people who have a million friends in Melbourne and have a ready made support group whenever they go down there..I have -acquaintances-, sure, but who'll I call if I have an accident? Who'm I going to complain to if I can't deal with the Monash workload? Who am I going to stick to in campus so I don't look like so much of an outsider? :( These, for the average teenagers, are really real concerns that parents just tend to dismiss and say 'Oh, you'll make new friends', which is why I've been so reluctant to do that comparison chart that Mom keeps insisting will be better able to help me make the choice. Sigh.

I think they overestimate my capability to make friends.

On one of my recent visits back to Taylor's, Mr Winston said I was 'an academic'. He didn't clarify why, but after thinking about it a bit, I guess I am rather, in a way. I'm kind of introverted, which is by no means a requirement for being an academic, but it certainly wouldn't help me in the PR department. I'm trying to conquer that, and I think I'm doing pretty well, I don't hyperventilate during presentations or forget (all) my points now..but it's simply not in my -nature- to be extroverted, you know? I'm just not that kind of person. I can be loud and crazy if you wanted, but it just wouldn't be -me-. And I think people know this, and wouldn't buy it :P

It doesn't help when you have kind of a soft voice, either.

I hate my voice.

And my nose.

And my eyes.

And my teeth.

And my hair.

And my toes. (I know, random but I do, they're the reason I can't wear normal flats)

Oh, it's not like I'll be completely friendless in Melbourne, I know, but I've got no one in Monash, and I think that's what matters the most. If I had one..just ONE friend who was going to come down with me, I wouldn't hesitate at all and would be more than happy to come down next year.

But noooo, instead I find myself in the same dilemma as I did last year - only with less justification to come, because the campus and environment here is way, way better than Taylors', which was part of the reason I wanted to leave.

ARGHHHHHH. :( What do I do?!